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Sheena Ashley (L)
Twenty Six March
Eighteen

Desires
My Loverboy
A new cellphone
Pretty tops,
bottoms
& dresses
And the list goes on
Saturday, May 30, 2009

Jin Hong and Me had broke up, officially.
So yeah, those ah lianxz out there make your way to his heart uh (:
All the best, dude!
Thanks for everything including the heartbreak.
I am sorry for all those harsh words.
May you find your happiness.
/Edited
This part is for you.
I am really disappointed in you.
All the love, all the time and effort, all the shoulder to lean on and the best-est, bullshit.
What was your reaction when I told you about my feelings?
I have lost to her, an ah lianxz.
I am always too naive towards you, haven’t I?
Since what happened, I knew that I shouldn’t believe you over and over again.
However I always choose to believe you again and again and again, and again.
And I was played.

It was lust, it wasn’t love.
It should never be this way, it should have never started.
I want to be there for you always, but I just failed to do so.
Don't push the fault to me okay.
What I am an actress?
Come on, if you not happy come and confront me lah.
Why do this to me?
If is not true how?
What if it is an misunderstanding?
You choose to believe some outsider than me?
I didn't even hide anything from you, I swear.
If you think I did, confront me! CONFRONT ME!
You didn't even asked me about it and just judge me from what you oh so analyze and your
"evidence".
That's so unfair!
It was your fault! You let me down.
Don't push the blame to me can?
I did nothing that let you down.
What I told L and C are all my heartfelt words.
FUCK YOU!
I TREAT YOU SO WELL AND YOU THINK IT WAS A SHOW?
I'm speechless!
Do some reflection man!
I guess, no one will be able to last with you.
I don't want to rant about your bad points here.
I am saving your pride which you loved oh so much.
I thought you were different.
I was so so so so wrong.
In actual fact, we can end things easily.
BLAME YOURSELF FOR THIS UGLY BREAK UP!

(I trust you, God.
Therefore, I believe God, you will do the job for me.
Please give me justice! Please! ):
I really hope things would happen just like what Mummy said.)


Personally,
I am happy about this break up.
Though, it is still kind of hard on me now.
Cause honestly, I feel I deserve someone much much better.
I wanna thank Mummy and Daddy for always being there for me.
I love the both of you to bits.
I promise, I won't disappoint the both of you with my O level results.
For now, I gonna mug hard for my O's and go NYP or RP.
Thank god for this break up.
I get to know who are my true friends are.
Many thanks to Kelly, Chermaine, Cherilyn, Sophie, Hafizah, Zinnia, Gladys, Cai Xing, Liang hao, Joseph, Christopher and Kah Jing.
In a way or so, the words you people told me had made me stronger and led me to the right route.
I wanna thank Kah Jing for telling my mum, Jin Hong's number when I got chased out of the house. You made the right move! (:
I wanna thank Joseph for calling my mum checking whether things are okay.
I wanna thank those who texted me (you know who you people are) the day after I got chased out asking me whether I am okay and everything.
I wanna thank my unusual for being there for me.
I wanna thank my sixsome for being there for me.

Christopher, I will open my eyes for my next boyfriend.
I will heed your advice for my sake (:

I'm officially a member of Christopher's Anti ____ & ____ Club!
They just sucks big time!
Totally different from us lah!
Right, Christopher?
BURN THEM ALIVE, BURN THEM ALIVE!

Anyway, Christopher and I will be organizing a Five A Two clique outing.
More information will be given to those who are involved personally (:
Please do support us yo!!!!!!!!!!!

P/S: Sudden urge of going to church! Anyone willing to join me? Kelly!!!!!!!!!!!! Want anot?

Monday, May 18, 2009

One of my clique mate fav. phrase, Girls are stupid. After all that happened, it is tested and proven that the phrase was oh so true. I guess, I just can't run away from the fact that things between us had changed drastically. I guess, you have given up on me unknowingly. If I were to voice out my unhappiness towards you. You will feel vexed and irritated. So for the sake for keeping our relationship going, I fake a smile and swallow all the awful truth down. Yeah, I know people might say so unhappy than break lah. What is the point of keeping this relationship. And after all that happened, what is the point to salvage this relationship. I dont know why I am choosing this route too. My mind is asking me me to take the another route though it is super painful but my heart wants me to choose this route so badly. That can explain why I am walking this route now. Perhaps, it was me who caused things between us to be like this. Quarreling too often really did make this worst for the both of us. Or should I say make things worst at your side cause you are getting sick and tired of it and your feelings for me are fading. Temptations outside, you can't seem to resist. You have changed and I no longer know you. By looking at those cards you made for me, those things you once did for me, recalling those moments you are faithful and sacrifies your own well being for me, it just gives me strength to hold on. I am staying because I am still in love with you. The old you and I am pine-ing every hope that one day you will be changed back to the old you. I wish I wish.

It takes two hands to clap. Do you still want things between us to work out? Do you still love me? Sigh.

I really don't want both of us to end just like that, I thought we were stronger, I gave you my everything but why things turned out like this, I was never this serious before, Sigh. Sigh.


There's so much more to say, really.
I just can't elaborate further.
Feeling damm bruised and battered by everything.
I just feel like going back to the past, whereby everything between us are just so lovely.
Can we?

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

White Horse- Taylor Swift

Say you're sorry
 That face of an angel
 Comes out just when you need it to
 As I paced back and forth all this time
 Cause I honestly believed in you
 Holding on
 The days drag on
 Stupid girl,
 I should have known, I should have known

[Chorus]
I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale
 I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet,
 Lead her up the stairwell
 This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town,
 I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now it's too late for you
And your white horse, to come around

Baby I was naive,
 Got lost in your eyes
 And never really had a chance
 My mistake, I didn't know to be in love
 You had to fight to have the upper hand
 I had so many dreams
 About you and me
 Happy endings
 Now I know

[Chorus]
I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale
 I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet,
 Lead her up the stairwell
 This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town,
 I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now it's too late for you
And your white horse, to come around

And there you are on your knees,
 Begging for forgiveness, begging for me
 Just like I always wanted but I'm so sorry

Cause I'm not your princess, this ain't a fairytale
I'm gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well
This is a big world, that was a small town
There in my rearview mirror disappearing now
And its too late for you and your white horse
Now its too late for you and your white horse, to catch me now

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa
Try and catch me now
Oh, it's too late
To catch me now


My eyes are super puffy now.
Don't ask me why cause I doubt I will tell anyone reason besides girlfriends and close friends.
One step at a time.
I believe I can overcome this.

Emotions aside.
There's alot of shows I wanna catch suddenly.
I dont know why too.
X-Men Origins: Wolverine
Night At The Museum 2
Angels And Demons
The Ramen Girl
The Uninvited

Saturday plan:
Town- Plaza Sing , The Cathay & FEP
Catch- X Men Origins: Wolverine & Night At The Museum 2
Billy bombers- Vanilla milkshake (Sudden craving)
Cathay- To catch toys!
FEP- SLICE for dessert.

Someone please fund me ):
$.$

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Evaluation of myself shows self acceptance.

I just can't find any strengths in me but if you do, you can tag me and tell me so.
Fyi, I have been thinking for like 15mins and I still can't think of any strengths I have.
I don't know what is good about me, honestly.

From my point of view,
I am basically good for nothing.
1. I was never once a good daughter of my parents.
In my 18 years of life, I never make them proud for once.
When I was taking my N's,
I thought I did made them proud but they wasn't really happy with my results.
Cause I just merely scraped through it.
On top of that, I am always rebelling and inflicting hurt on them.

2. Yesterday when I was chatting with Zinnia at MSN.
Flashbacks of those days in Bowen just flashed through my mind.
I just thought of one word for myself, SHALLOW.
Perhaps, I have grown and I found myself way immature and shallow back then.
Just being a typical student, I didn't respect the teachers who taught me.
Teachers, they impart knowledge to us.
Instead of thanking them, I was being so immature but to make a fool out of myself during class, shout at them thinking I am oh so right with my lousy attitude towards studies and the list goes on.
Going around the school assuming I am some big fuck making fun of the lower secondary mates.
All of the above just brings out the shallowness in me. ):

3. And
I have weaknesses which are detrimental to my health.
An example would be my hot temper.
When I am irked, I find it incredibly difficult to control my outburst.
My face would usually turned as red as tomato as the blood would rush to my face.
Looking like some mad girl, my voice would bellow at the unfortunate soul who has incurred my wrath.
At times like this clique mates and people who know me well would either just stay away from me or just like me vent everything out and I will just make a fool out of myself.
(Don't ask me how I managed to tolerate Baby's nonsense as just so my girlfriends know both of us are similar in terms of temper and attitude. I think Kelly must be super amazed of how I managed to do that when I am like the princess in the clique way back in Secondary School. The power of love made me tolerate that? Perhaps.)
This hot temper of mine is compounded by the fact that I am very impatient.
People who are slow in reacting to me or in doing things and when things doesn't turn out to be the way I want it to be would set my temper off.
An example would be when Baby doesn't answer my call despite the fact, I bombard his phone with text messages and calls umpteen times. I would get mad but I just dont know why after he get backs to me. I am fine. Seriously, I think I am siao!
Okay. I side tracked already back to the point.

These are some things that I really have to change.

4. I am also terribly lazy!
This doesn't seem strange cause from my O's results it had shown crystal clear that I am one lazy bum!
At home, I am usually lazing around in my room.
Whenever I set an assignment for myself to do, I will keep procrastinate.
If this laziness in me doesn't get its way out of me, I guess, I will never be able to succeed in life.

5. I still have other weakness like I am super fickle minded, I have low self esteem and and I always love to do things at the eleventh hour.

At certain time in life, you need to do some reality checks to make you a better person in life.

Understanding yourself is the first step towards capitalising on your strengths and working to minise your weakness. Don't you agree, too? (:


Is jealousy considered a totally bad feeling to have?

Man is a creature with thoughts and feelings. His physical needs like eating and sleeping are similar to those of animals. However, it is his thoughts, speech and public emotions that mark his humanity and differentiate him from other creatures. man is able to be kind, feel compassion and have other noble feelings towards his fellow humans. Man, however, also has unpleasant emotions namely hatred, cruelty and jealousy.

Jealousy is a negative emotion. To be jealous means to be envious of someone or to feel unhappy because one desires to possess something which another person has.

The feeling that a jealous person bears towards another is not a good one. It is born out of envy, resentment and ill will towards the other.

For example, a student may be jealous of a friend's good looks and grades. It usually does not matter to him that the friend may have taken the trouble to make himself pleasant or he may have studied hard to deserve his good grades. All it matters to him is that he is envious that the other person has the thing, position or attribute he wants. The jealous person feels unhappy that other party has something that he desires.

Being jealous reflects a person's immaturity. Jealousy can lead to negative actions. A jealous person may slander his rival in love. Sometimes, he may even resort to violence.

Even nations may be jealous of other nations and go to war against them. A dictator in a poor nation, faced with a dissatisfied populace, may go to war against a prosperous neighbouring country out of jealousy and to solve his own country's problems. A coporation losing business to another company may resort to dirty tactics against that company to win back their customers. Much unhappiness and suffering occurs when jealous parties resort to immoral acts against innocent parties whome they are envious of.

In popular literature and films, we often hear of the jealous lover. having lost his beloved ones affections, he may give full vent to his feelings of hate and resort to ways to harm his rival and win his loved one at all costs. This scenario often forms the plot of many love melodramas in fil. The audience is kept in suspense about the jealous person's future evil actions and this drives the film or plot along. Usually, the evil, jealous person will obtain is just desserts and be punished in the end as no one loves a jealous person.

Provided a jealous person does not resort to evil, some good may come our of a jealous state. A person who is jealous about his love rivial or his prosperous business rival may be spurred on to improve himself or his firm efficiency to be better than the other.

Jealousy will always be with the common man. A person become a better person when he does not allow jealousy to control him.

So this passage is just trying to tell me that I am not a good person cause I let jealousy take its toll on me.

How cool!

Okay, should not be sarcastic cause it does have it points too.

If you didn't realized what I have just realized.
People like ME who have super deee duper low self esteem tend to get jealous more easily.
Because they will tend to think that the other party is so much better than them as they are so pessimistic about themselves.

Emotion barrier, I guess.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Blogging on a Saturday afternoon!
It has been ages since I last did that.
Feeling fuckin' terrible now.
1. My wisdom tooth is in the midst of growing and it hurts so bad ):
2. I miss my boyfriend.
3. I miss my girlfriends.
(Even though, I just met Kelly yesterday but we didn't have heart to heart talks lah!!!!!!! I was like waiting for her to rant to me about CNWL! =X)
4. Despite being in so much pain, I still have to accompany my parents for dinner and shopping. I am willing to do that cause it's Ashli Mae's Birthday. If not I will confirm stay at home cause the pain is like close to unbearable lah.
5. My boyfriend's phone ran out of batt. Thus, dead and it is super hard for me to contact him. He said he will call me after his mum uses the phone but I think it is more like he wants to watch finish his show which would end at 4.30pm without hearing my sickening voice. (Dont laugh when you see this)
6. I made boyfriend dissapointed cause I can't meet him on a saturday.
That always happen if I can't meet him on a saturday.
I feel _ _ _ _ _ _ and bad about it but what can I do?
Family gatherings happens once in a while.
For him, I skipped trivial gatherings and only attend those major ones.
Today is one of those major ones so I really had no choice.

I can't wait for the pain to go off.
I want to enjoy good food.
I have been eating porridge for 2days.
It just sucks so bad.
Eating the food I hate the MOST!
After I kiss goodbye to the pain, I will pamper myself with Seoul Garden!!!!!!!
Baby, we go eat together okay?
Not fattening de.
Cause Carbohydrates are the main culprit of making one fat.
Not PROTEINS.
& Proteins are the first thing that our tummy digest.
Not bad okay! I am teaching my readers F&N.

Hmm, I am lazy to blog already.
I am going to create one new garena account now.
Ciaos!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, May 7, 2009


Sunday, May 3, 2009

I want nobodyyyyyyy nobodyyyyyyyy but youuuuuuuuuuuu (:

What are you doing now? No calls and texts since last night. I am trying my best not to be mad at you. Cause I do not want to have another quarrel with you. I miss living in the world of our own. There's a number of times I wanted to rant about you in this space but I just held back. Cause I am afraid we would quarrel and you would think that you are not a good boyfriend. So I just bottled up my feelings. Recently, I dont know what had gotten into me and I am starting to express myself more than usual which made you think I had a change in me. I am really sorry about that. ): Baby, I just want you to know that I love you and I really do. I'd rather have bad times with you than good times with someone else. I just want to be with you till the day death tear us apart. Always be my baby pikachu? Will you?

P/S: You are a good boyfriend okay! Stop doubting!

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Any kind souls out there willing to stock my kitchen with kit kats?
Cause i really need to them to make my day (:

Have a BREAK, take a kit kat.
you get it?

I just can't help it but to take many breaks in between study time. ):
Perhaps, just like what Baby said the books have special power in them like they will produce some sleeping powder and make me feel sleepy after reading like half a page.

I am really worried!!!!!!!!!!!!
I really wanna do well but I dont know what the fuck I am doing.
Sheena!!!!!!!! Wake up please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ):
Textbooks can be fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Always look on the bright side of life.
LALALALALALA!~